Nowhere/Nothing

(8/17/11)

I want to dance.
I want to cry.
I want to headbang.
I want to scream.

I want to feel something different.
I am just tired of this life.
I wish I could runaway, somewhere far away.

What holds me here? What keeps me from running and disappearing? Do I have any unbreakable connections?

The walls holding me up feel weak, feel loose. They may crumble any minute. Who is there to catch me when they fall?

Tears well up. Why do I feel this way?

My life feels hollow and cold. Is there any of me left for other people? Can I turn to people and tell them this all? What do I say, what will they say?

I sit here crying out on the inside for help, refusing to let tears roll down my face.

Maybe soon the happiness will return.
Maybe soon the confidence will return.
Maybe soon the numbness will fade.
Until this, I push on, go forward.

I don't want to feel alone anymore.
______________________________

I put on sunglasses, now I let the tears flow, one day they may stop.